


taako's no trust list.

by dactyldoes



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, GOD and the eleventh hour spoilers im just rolling in spoilers today, How Do I Tag, Other, lots of platonic feelings, spoilers for the stolen century and wonderland and the crystal kingdom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 16:58:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11467791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dactyldoes/pseuds/dactyldoes
Summary: Taako didn't like or trust anyone. He thought that trust was unnecessary and he was fine on his own. Nobody needed to know his business. Taako's trust list was nothing and no one.





	taako's no trust list.

Taako didn’t trust anyone.

He especially did not trust Lucretia. Madame Director of the Bureau of Balance. She had referred to them once as _“friends,”_ something that Taako used sparingly. She had sent Taako and his companions out on missions every six or so months, sending them out into the world for an unknown period of time. However long it took for them to achieve their goal, come hell or high water.

He did not trust the way she looked so apologetic when she gave them missions. He did not trust the way she called him _“Taako,”_ because it was so smooth on her tongue and she sounded so comfortable. He’d known her only for a year. And there were just like best friends, it seemed like.

He did not trust the way she looked at them when they got back, or the smile on her face, or the way she said “welcome back.” each and every time they did. Nor did he trust how relieved she looked like she just saw her best friends coming back from their personal wars. He didn’t trust the way she held their hands when she got serious and looked them in their eyes and pleaded with them to trust her. He did not trust the way his heart shriveled up and died because, for some god awful reason, he _wanted_ to trust her.

He did not trust her genuine Candlenights gifts either. He didn’t like the way she smiled at him and called his cookies baller. He did not trust the way he wanted to laugh because that was so unlike the Director, and so familiar. 

He didn’t trust the way she spoke so carefully, so meticulously, like they were wine glasses she’s afraid of breaking. 

He didn’t trust the way they laughed together when she made an actually funny joke or found the idea of their Tarantula Parade amusing and laughed at it. (She, however, will not let them do it, no matter how hard they plead.) He didn’t trust the way they talk about what kinds of dog they’d be if they were dogs. They agreed she’d be a really mature toy poodle. Mature, a good friend, very smart. Good dog, best friend.

Alright.

Maybe Taako trusted Lucretia a little bit.

***

Whatever. Taako may trust one person but he didn’t like anyone else.

Especially not Angus.

Angus was a ten-year-old boy detective that Taako had met on a train that the Director had recruited. Baby-faced and new to the world still, he traveled just as much as the boys did. He was hardworking and even though he was so little nobody underestimated the greatest boy detective. He was too much of a good sport and too good at his detective work that if you tried to be an asshole about him, the Director would skin you alive.

Angus followed Taako around like a little duckling or a puppy dog, trailing him with questions about his adventures and anyone he had met, while Taako answered as quickly and smoothly as possible. Since the very beginning, Angus has been interested in Taako’s work, treating magic as if it was another mystery to solve.

Angus was, after all, the world’s greatest detective and he was no slow learner. The boy picked up on things faster than he did picking up Caleb Cleveland books. Moreso, he was a natural wizard. The human boy possessed no magic from within himself and instead he soaked up information like a sponge, calling upon his own nerdiness to strive for greatness. It was almost show-stopping how interested Angus looked in everything Taako did. As if he was _worthy_ of that kind of wonder.

Almost.

Nevertheless, Taako did not trust doing his activities even with Angus, greatest boy detective, following him. He did his errands, silently begging Garfield the Deals Warlock to not let the boy know that he did actually sell his grandfather’s china set. So far, he hadn’t slipped, but the look in Garfield’s eyes promised nothing. He would visit the Voidfish and it and Angus would exchange notes as Taako rolled his eyes, debating whether to put the tapes of _Sizzle it up with Taako_ into the tank. He decided no and instead put the tapes in the drawers of the little study corner with the messy desk of a half-broken harp and multiple sheets of music on the desk.

He did not trust the puppy dog eyes or the way Angus called him “Sir.” there was too much potential. He did not trust the way Angus said “Taako,” either, because that was _no better._ It was only even beginning to be suitable when Angus called Taako and his _cohorts_ out on their bullshit, but even then. Not trustworthy.

Not even when Taako had nightmares and cried out during the night, shaking in fear, his leg jittering just like the static he’s seen far too often. He’s screamed during the night, cried out, waking up in cold sweat and swallowing his fear; despite the obvious horror he’s felt during his dreams, he can recall nothing but static when he awoke. Nothing but static even though he can hear voices beyond it and muffled gurgles, muffled _screaming,_ just like a hungry animal after seeing you steal its meal.

But that’s ridiculous. And no, Taako did not trust Angus even if he would check on him; he’d ask, “Sir? Are you alright?” And Taako did not trust Angus even though, when possible, Taako would sit with him and be quiet _(for once.)_ and let Angus take out whatever extreme measure to get his feelings out. He was a kid, Taako knew that, and he deserved to be able to have a responsible adult look after him from time to time. They’ve both seen each other in loud tantrums, with lots of confusion, and little bits of understanding the situation, and not enough time on their hands to figure it out.

Maybe, too, Taako didn’t regret telling Angus he trusted him.

*** 

He didn’t trust Magnus either.

God. Pan. Istus. Whoever, that man was _intolerable._

His duck carvings weren’t even up to par, they looked a little flat and their beaks were too big. The little indents in the wood to show their wings were wobbly, they didn’t look the same. It was a stupid looking bird, and it looked even dumber with Magnus’s big grin above it, holding it out to you like he expected you to genuinely like it. 

Taako didn’t trust his ducks. Even if he kept one in their shared bureau bunker/apartment. He didn’t trust it at all. Its eyes followed you wherever you went and Taako did not dig it. He didn’t dig the way their eyes looked, either, little black pearls that he got from God knows where. Maybe a beach? Even though they’re on the moon and that made no sense.

Magnus was a big man, a fighter, with very big hands to hold very big swords. He was good-natured and kind at heart, with a big smile to boot, and he wasn’t one for vengeance. However, he will go after people if he thought it was best for everyone else. You’d think, from looking at him, that’d he be the kind of guy to yell _“get wrecked,”_ at enemies. But instead, he would yell _“I’m sorry if this hurts a lot, except, I’m not sorry, you’ve probably hurt a lot of people.”_

Taako didn’t trust how big he was, either. Taako was an elf, a fantasy race, and he stood only about 5’7” and Magnus, on the other hand, was about 6’0” or 6’2” which is just unfair. He was a human and already he’s taller which makes no sense and is stupid. Humans aren’t supposed to be tall. They’re supposed to be short and lanky and awkward and have no hand-eye coordination.

Which is very untrue because Magnus liked to swing big swords.

Taako didn’t trust the way that Magnus trusted everyone. Magnus’s very core belief was that everyone could be a good person if they tried and even if they tried but failed redemption was never a path crossed off. He believed everyone he knew was or could be a good person and Taako? Taako didn’t like that. Taako, contrary to what people believe, was _not_ a good person. It made him roll his eyes whenever Magnus went on and on about trusting others. It was bologna.

Taako didn’t trust that Magnus would protect his friends come hell or high water. That protective nature was just Magnus and even if it caused him trouble it didn’t matter to him. He’d brush it off like a wet dog and bear whatever pain he had to. Just because people deserved chances. Just because that was just who Magnus was. Magnus was that kind of permanent sunshine boy that people wrote poems about on fantasy Tumblr. And Taako was that guy on fantasy Tumblr that people had melodramatic fantasy snapchats for. It was bullshit that they crossed paths.

And no way in hell did Taako believe someone could ever be that happy.

They just _couldn’t_ be but here he was. In all his glory, there he was. In all his stupid, magnificent glory, he was there. _Smiling._ And Taako didn’t trust it. 

Didn’t trust the big guy at all, even if he did astral project to save him from going into the astral plane. It was more of a heroic moment than anything; he acted before he thought, he said things before he knew what he was doing, and he damn well held on tight. There’s nothing to fear when you refuse to let go.

But that was kind of a one-time thing. It’ll be over Taako’s dead body if something like _that_ ever happened again.

And with the reckless piece of shit Magnus tended to be Taako might just die trusting him.

***

Maybe the weirdest person Taako has ever not trusted was Merle. The dwarven old man he’s come to adventure with. 

Merle wore a braided beard decorated with flowers and vines and often a small bun or ponytail that kept his white, old man hair out of his face. He sounded like the kind of man to age fifty years in just one conversation and also sounded like the kind of man you’d have to tell, _no, if you wear that Hawaiian shirt you’re going to kill fashion single-handedly. Just because you got it on sale, Merle, doesn’t mean literally anything. We don’t care if it was a killer deal._

Merle is a spiritual man and Taako didn’t really trust his immense knowledge on the kind of hip things he supposedly knew. He is now in the know of teenage lingo and spirituality, just because of his X-treme Teen Bible which was probably the dumbest thing Taako had ever seen.

Taako didn’t trust the way Merle spoke about others like he meant to be sincere, but he messed up his words halfway through. He didn’t trust the way that Merle spoke about his memories, fogged up and half-forgotten, but like they still meant everything to him. Taako guessed, briefly, that whenever he turned out like that it’s just because there are more memories in his mind that he wanted to be clear and vivid and just as real as it always was.

Memory did go away with age.

Taako didn’t trust his old man jokes because as much as they were funny, no old man who went through so much can still be weird about his age. He also didn’t appreciate the innuendos because it only made Taako think that one day he’s going to become Merle, the old man who laughed at gross teenager jokes. It was kind of unsettling.

(Also, Taako didn’t trust all the jokes about “four-twenty” because that number didn’t exist. What was a _four-twenty?_ Was this some dwarven nonsense?)

It’s almost shocking the emotional baggage you get when you adventure far enough with someone. Taako didn’t trust all the new secrets he’s learned about Merle, like his _kids,_ or his weird thing with _onions._ Taako didn’t trust how well the personal things mingled with the serious things. If only Merle wasn’t so mean towards Angus, Taako might’ve suggested he try his hand at uncovering the various mysteries of Merle.

Yeah. Taako didn’t know what to think about Merle, with the weird, kinda unsettling bother-figure son-figure relationship they had or what to think in general. Merle was one weird dwarf and Taako was one weird elf and maybe, on that level, they understood each other sufficiently.

Taako, absently, knew that would be enough to sustain them.

***

One person he didn’t know much about, nor did he know how he felt about them, was Kravitz.

Taako knew the first impression they got of him was less than ideal. Asking them, _hey, thug, what’s your name? I’m about to tentacle your dick._ It probably wasn’t the smartest idea but it won the temporary battle and seduced them sufficiently to win their heart over. 

They’re probably not impressed with the gang’s death count, but that’s no biggie. The British-accented crystal golem death-eater the boys had fought has become this grim reaper who was overly curious. Taako didn’t know if he trusted it or not, but it sure was _weird._ Not only did Kravitz remain unfazed by whatever the boys had done recently and instead was perfectly calm during a chill session but they were only minimally shocked at Taako’s honesty.

Taako didn’t know if he trusted the bones of Voldemort as a pal or a mutual frenemy. They weren’t enemies but they’ve never exactly worked together, either. The astral plane and the living plane didn’t really intermingle and Taako didn’t dig the whole “technically it’s my job to put you in the astral plane of dead dudes.” because not only did Taako not really want to die but there were a lot of people who were dead who really don’t like him. He’s not looking forward to seeing them again.

Kravitz was an interesting kind of person. They seemed to genuinely care about Taako and his companions and it was only in Taako’s best interest to keep them at arm’s length. However, Kravitz had a natural charm to them and it signaled red flags in Taako’s head. Kill Bill sirens, if you will. It was kind of silly to think about, a pound of bologna, that Kravitz might actually be more useful as a friend and close-ally than just an acquaintance and someone Taako sort of knew. 

Kravitz was no Klaarg. They weren’t someone he could forget about half the time and remember the other half for the sake of convenience. Kravitz also had some common sense and wasn’t magically charmed by Taako. Though, Kravitz might’ve been charmed in some way. Perhaps they were won over by Evard’s Black Tentacles.

Maybe, for once, Taako didn’t actually trust Kravitz. Even if they did make his heart swell. Who couldn’t be charmed by a British grim reaper? Certainly, Taako was charmed.

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! i hope this was acceptable and that you liked it!! this is my first writing posted on AO3. my tumblr is kabaedactyl if you wanna talk about taz or something..thanks for reading!!


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